Right. Oh, yes, the same old question: “Why are you always so guarded?”
Always from the very people who have let me down. Discarded
Every time when I dared think that they would truly be there for me
When I dared ask—and so seldom—for their help. Oh, right, naive me.
Got it. Lesson learned, no worries. Won’t happen again. You promised
You would be right there—supportive. Sceptical, at first, I doubted
All those promises and, fearing that they were just empty, shallow,
I did not dare let my guard down and have hope. No real value.
And wasn’t I right to do so. Look what actions have now spoken
Louder than your meaningless words which I fell for, which reopen
All the painful memories of every time I’ve been let down and,
Thus, my heart learns once again that stone trumps over once red heartbeat.
– Patricia
Da Capo al Poetry 
i loved reading this. it was so heartbreaking and it’s like you’ve emptied all my emotions and thoughts onto a page.
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Thank you! I wrote this poem feeling disappointed, but not being surprised anymore, and remembering once again why it is that I mostly choose to count only on myself, not expecting anything from others. It is what it is…
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it’s the same mindset i’ve adopted too aha! but each experience makes us more capable to deal with challenges.
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You’re right! I find myself getting over each new disappointment a bit faster compared to the previous one! It still stings, but at least I know I’ve been there before and know a bit about how to overcome it easier.
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yeah agreed. but sometimes it makes me sad when I reflect back and realise how unfazed I am by it all now as it makes me feel like I’ve given up on people if that makes sense?
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I know what you mean! I’ve also thought about it, that it’s sad that I can’t let my guard down unless it’s people that are really, really close to me and even then I do it rarely. It makes it harder for me to establish relationships with others, but that’s how I’ve always been (mix of personality and hurtful experiences) and to be honest, I don’t see the point in changing right now… Maybe later on I will think differently…
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for me it’s come to a point where i’m so reluctant to open up or let people see me for who i am until i feel somewhat sure they’re words will align with actions. and it’s not a nice feeling not being as trusting as you once were or having the default view that they too will let you go when meeting new people. especially when people you really really trusted have all let you down. but it’s okay! to be extra guarded and want to protect ourselves from hurt. I think when we meet the right people, relationships will be formed naturally without thinking about letting guards down.
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I agree! I sometimes tell myself that the right people will understand me and that in any relationship of importance, we’ll click from the beginning. I just have to accept myself the way I am and not force myself to open up faster than I am comfortable, or otherwise I will end up hurting even more.
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