I built my snowman in the middle of winter—
It was January and I had found myself again:
Made of pure, untouched snow that had covered
The infertile dark soil of me who’d hit rock bottom.
I picked up two coals from the dirt that I lay in—
When I saw the grey skies opening wide,
When frozen tears started to cover me whole—
Daily reminders of where I had lain and
Binoculars for my journey ahead.
I shiveringly waited for the amalgam of ice crystals
To finish their slow waltz—breathe and count to thirty—,
Then I made my first snowball since I was eleven
And rolled it in the unstained ice feathers
Till I’d laid the foundations of my soon-to-be snowman.
Then followed the torso with a hole in the left side
(For spring is yet to come to offer me daffodils),
Then came the last snowball and I gave it eyes and
A grey-pebbled smile. And the carrot nose, of course.
I built my snowman in the middle of winter—
It was January and I had found myself again.
Then someone came along when I was finally sound asleep and
Knocked over my snowman and went on with their life.
I stayed up all night hopelessly waiting for a second snow.
I built my sandcastle in the middle of summer—
It was July and I had found myself again.
I’d been drowning in shallow waters and just as I’d surrendered
My body to the rip currents of the merciless sea,
New waves carried me ashore where I coughed up salt water,
My lungs screaming for air every step of the way.
I then lay there unmoving, blinded by sunlight,
Soaking up every last bit of warmth I could get,
Till it pierced my frozen veins and arteries, warming me whole.
I felt the gritty wet sand all over my body
And the sea waves numbing the pain.
I dug a hole to trap the sea water and
Dripped the wet sand off my unfaltering fingers:
All the beige and the brown and the grey of the numbness
Making up the castle of my long-lost fairy-tale dreams.
I built my sandcastle in the middle of summer—
It was July and I had found myself again.
Then someone came along when I was sleepily sunbathing and
Knocked over my sandcastle and went on with their life.
But you see
I now have more water and sand than meets the eye.
– Patricia
Da Capo al Poetry 