Tag: Self-love

The Love We Think We Deserve

On a peaceful summer night,
We lay in the soft green grass
And looked at the stars above,
Chatting with utmost delight.

Then, you did something so strange,
Tried to take my hand in yours.
This was new to me. Confused,
I pulled back. Awkward it felt.

You were hurt, but hid your pain,
I—surprised—just laughed and talked,
And we chatted cheerfully,
Walking on dangerous quicksand.

I knew it would lead to that,
We both knew what we had meant,
I was shocked—wasn’t prepared
To accept your love so fast.

To accept your love at all,
Come to think of it. It’s true…
Why would you love me for me…?
When I know my every flaw…

I cannot accept your love,
Your affection is too much.
I feel smothered and ashamed.
I’m not worthy of your touch.

Let me be and fake away
All this cheerfulness—my shield.
Let us stay just as we are.
Let my smiles hide my pain.

For I once heard that we can
Accept just the type of love
Which we think that we deserve,
And I’m not worthy of yours…

Let me be just as I am,
Let us be just as we are,
Chatting, looking at the stars.
I am not worthy of more…

– Patricia

Loving Myself

I pick a wilted rose from ashes
So grey, so cold—the fire gone.
The anger once again relapses,
As I want no part in the vow.

I do not care for its sweet promise,
As underneath are only thorns.
A flower that I want to vanish
With all of its unspoken words.

I watch it burn and turn to cinder—
Symbol of unrequited love.
For me, from me—my fingers linger
On what once was a ray of hope.

So red, so promising, so fragile,
It was a failed attempt at life.
But I don’t care for tender whispers,
Be they from my own grieving heart.

“For me, from me… I do not want it.
I don’t want what you want to give!
You’ve never loved me! I don’t want it!
It’s now too late to still forgive!”

I picked a wilted rose from cinder,
So red, a love I don’t deserve.
I look down at my bleeding fingers…
Huh… I was right… (It) had only thorns…

– Patricia