Da Capo al Poetry

In My 20s

“I’m in my 20s and I don’t know
What I am doing with my life!”
I cry out in the endless storm,
As boisterous winds silence my cries.

I’m at a crossroads. Endless paths
Await ahead, to my left and right,
I can’t go back to how it was,
I need to choose. Time’s running out.

Others have long ago surpassed
Me, who awaits here, still confused,
Still undecided. Future, past
And present. What will I pursue…?

I must decide on who I am,
And find my own place in this world…
I’m scared of what awaits ahead,
Of the uncertainty of it all…

I wait and wait, the hourglass
Keeps pouring sand and never stops.
These years will pass and so will I…
The clock is ticking… My 20s… Only once…

– Patricia

Right. Oh, yes, the same old question: “Why are you always so guarded?”
Always from the very people who have let me down. Discarded
Every time when I dared think that they would truly be there for me
When I dared ask—and so seldom—for their help. Oh, right, naive me.

Got it. Lesson learned, no worries. Won’t happen again. You promised
You would be right there—supportive. Sceptical, at first, I doubted
All those promises and, fearing that they were just empty, shallow,
I did not dare let my guard down and have hope. No real value.

And wasn’t I right to do so. Look what actions have now spoken
Louder than your meaningless words which I fell for, which reopen
All the painful memories of every time I’ve been let down and,
Thus, my heart learns once again that stone trumps over once red heartbeat.

– Patricia

My Story—Part II

I’d given up the wishes regarding my own story
And I thought I’d at least be the person I had bettered,
That’s all that I still wanted: to still have my core values,
Which I’d attained through hardships and years of self-improvement.

I thought that I’d at least have the old me to fall back on,
Since I had tried and failed to face so many fears.
It seems, though, that I’m meant to experience oblivion
Whenever I’m about to define my new-found features.

Forget what I had wanted—I’ve lost touch with my true self,
And now I’m in a daze and can’t seem to find my way back.
I call out in the tempest, but all my cries are muffled…
The teller of my story has long ago been silenced…

– Patricia

Whispers in the Wind

I first heard them when it was night
And I’d grown weary of the struggles,
And just when I’d given up the fight,
I heard a whisper like no other.

Melodious and tender words
Made their way through the endless darkness,
Caressed my ears and I immersed
Myself in their most calming promise.

The winter wind had brought them here
And carried them on wings of stardust.
The moon had gifted them with light
To soothe and ease the soul till sunrise.

And in the peaceful winter night,
I knew I’d found my peace, my freedom.
I rose my eyes and saw the moon
So quiet and serene in her kingdom.

And in the darkness of the night,
I only heard the soothing whispers,
I only saw the phantasmal light
Of She who’d sent me peace in winter…

– Patricia

To All My Loved Ones…

I wish that I could be a better version
Of the reflection that I’m looking at,
A better human, oh, a better version
Of the dark eyes staring right back
At me.

I wish I could support you, whom I treasure,
I wish that I could have much better words,
Better reactions and much better gestures
To comfort you when you need it the most…
I wish…

I wish I knew the right time when to hug you
And when to let you be just by yourself…
My timing’s not the best and this has harmed you…
I’m sorry for not doing better… I’ll suppress
My self-pity…

I wish I could express with words what I am thinking,
But words have failed me almost every time,
And I say things which sound so superficial…
To my own mind I’ve let them be confined,
Without their real shape and meaning…
My regrets…

I wish… I wish… I wish I could do better
And offer you the comfort and support
Which you deserve… I’m sorry I am lacking…
I wish… I’m sorry… You deserve,
Oh, so much more…

– Patricia

I had forgotten

I had forgotten what it felt like
To just enjoy a sunny day,
Amidst the tumultuous events that
Capture me in their claustrophobic cage.
To truly feel the rays of sunlight
Caress my skin and make me whole,
To forget all the endless worries
Which I’d otherwise have to endure.

I had forgotten: teenage freedom…
Those days when I lived in the now,
Without many fears of the future,
Of who I am, if I’m endowed
With enough strength to persevere,
With patience or humility,
Of what will come in the next two years,
Of how much I will change… Oh, dear…

I had forgotten. It feels amazing
To simply have a moment like this.
A peaceful afternoon with sunshine
To remind me of such rare a bliss…
So, here I am, bathing in sunlight
At twenty-two. Nostalgia, peace…
Well, what do you know? Embracing this, I
Forget the depths of the abyss…

– Patricia

A Poet’s Poem

I sometimes stop to think and wonder
If what I write truly has meaning,
If what I am can be redeeming,
If you can get what I am thinking,
If my thoughts sound to you like thunder:
Passing and never understood.

Sometimes, my poems seem to struggle
To find the right path through the darkness,
To reflect my thoughts—such poor a harvest,
To come to me when I need guidance,
To be what I’d meant them to resemble,
And to exist in the real world.

I sometimes feel like I don’t matter,
Like I am average, just a child,
Like I know nothing about life’s trials,
Like I’ve no meaningful words—in denial,
Like I’m not worthy of the letters
Which I write down for eyes to see…

Simply a poet’s poem.

– Patricia

Winter Peace

On a peaceful winter morning,
While all nature was asleep,
Winter fairies found their calling
In the mountains with steep peaks,
With the never-ending forests:
Trees so lofty, scent so green,
Where the tired soul could find rest
And lay down to breathe and dream.

Snowflakes listened to their calling
And descended upon Earth,
Graceful butterflies resembling,
Having just known their sweet birth.
On the fir trees still grew green moss,
Entangled with the bright white
Of the soft blanket which covered
All of nature, day and night.

On a peaceful winter morning,
While silence governed the land,
Winter fairies found their calling,
One which promised freedom that lasts.
For the soul yearning for quiet,
This magical, hidden world
Was all that they could desire…
Peace, contentment, freedom, hope…

– Patricia

“New Year, New Me”

“New year, new me” has always been the motto,
With everyone making their resolutions,
Yet nothing really seems to come to that conclusion
And all are left forgetting what they’d wished for.

Because it’s easy: making wishes, dreaming…
But working for one’s goals is never easy,
And thus, they set themselves up for the failure
Which leaves them feeling unaccomplished, guilty.

“New year, new me” cry superficial hashtags,
Behind them hiding the need for validation.
New year, new you… So, where’s your motivation?
Oh, right. It’s just a trend. A sad and passing—old—fad.

New year, same you—but only on the inside,
While time has trapped your body in its tight cage.
New year, new year… Careful, the clock is ticking
And all your deeds may leave you feeling empty…

– Patricia

2020

The clock’s struck midnight yet again
And we start counting one more time…
The 1st of January, a new day,
While fireworks paint the night sky.

It’s 2020… The hourglass
Keeps pouring heavy, golden sand
Onto our beings, night and day,
Little by little, grain by grain…

Until we’ll have to bid farewell,
Let’s just enjoy the present day…

– Patricia