abandon ship

i am not the captain of my soul,
i want to let go,
let myself go,
throw myself into the merciless waves and abandon this wreckage of a body.
my organs have decided to commit mutiny
and in all honesty, i don’t blame them,
who would want to be led by a bunch of necrotic neurons
and a heart awaiting thrombophilia any beat now.

i don’t even know what started it all,
was it my ovaries that had betrayed me long ago?
cyst after cyst, drainage tube, use betadine,
one more jab, one more bruise,
look at the purple, and the green. what’s the use?
captain, oh, captain, you knew about the ruse,
but you gave up, and every organ then cleared the deck,
waited in silence and cooked up a scheme,
only to come back with sweet revenge
and now look who’s walking the plank

but who betrayed who?
was it them making you walk the plank?
or was it you who’d mentally checked out long before
and had failed to lead them to the long-awaited shore?
x marks the spot
for a void treasure chest
(and a laparoscopy, 4 incisions,

and that did it for them,
no more keeping abreast
of your panic attack or your hypochondriacal ways,
ovaries overboard,
next up’s the liver,
then you choose

abandon ship
i mutter
aye, captain,
and i’ll make sure to steer clear
of any future signs
of life