Tell Me Now, Young Soul. Does It Hurt? Being the Outsider?

It’s okay, I’ll be the outcast
Once again.

And I’ll be fine. 

I’ve been there so many times and
I can do it one more time.
It’s my fault. Oh, yes, I know this.
I always push them away.
While they laugh and have a great time,
I lay bricks and raise my walls
Higher, higher, all the way up.
I choose this. I’m fine. I’ll smile.

My heart aches. Lumps start to gather
In my throat. I’m not okay.

Yes, from time to time I choose to
Take a peek through my grey wall,
Throw some words and try to take part
In the warmness they all share.
 
But these baby steps are never
Quite enough. They’re far away
And I’m far behind, no matter
How much I try to catch up to them.

It’s okay now. You can do this.
Toughen up. Smile through the pain.
You’ve always been the outsider,
What’s the difference that another
Small brick would now truly make?